This is not food.

Generally I eat unprocessed, unrefined, unpackaged, whole foods with lots of love grown right into them, see Exhibit A.

Exhibit A: My garden.

Cycling, however, has brought out a previously unknown alter-ego; one capable of enjoying the most highly processed, neon-coloured, flashily-packaged, and down-right disgusting things. I thought I should share with you some of those consumables that fall into the “fuel” category of “food”, eaten only by athletes looking for cheap thrills and a quick pick-me-up. After 20, 50, or 140 Kms, they taste spectacular! I experience surges of energy within minutes from these brightly coloured, oddly textured, and phenomenally sweet treats commonly found in convenience stores and bike shops across the land. Please folks, don’t try this at home, save it for the race, the rally, the marathon, or the long-haul. These wee snacks are danger all wrapped up in pretty little parcels… and the reason the world is coming to an end. Oh the conflict! Mmmmmaltodextrin.

un-food

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One response to “This is not food.

  1. I like that most of the product names are onomatapoeias! Boom, indeed!

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